In the summer of 2019 Tricia and I decided on a vacation in Southern Oregon. We set our sights on Florence, Bandon or Gold Beach. In the end we spent the last two weeks of August primarily in Gold Beach. It was to be our first two-week vacation in many years. We had no idea it would be our last.
We were all set to leave in a couple of days when we had a call from the doctor’s office. I was busy trying to decide how much not to bring with us when Tricia came into the room and told me that the pains she had been experiencing in her gut were due to NET, a very malicious cancer. All Tricia needed were a set of wings to confirm her angel status. After four major surgeries, each entailing weeks in the hospital and months of recovery time, multiple ER visits, ambulances in the small hours of the morning, she never once lost composure and her extraordinarily gentle spirit. Brave as the bravest warrior she was.
I began writing Stormy River in 2020, after my mom’s passing. I could never finish it, especially as Tricia became more and more frail with each necessary surgery. Her bowel was forever in danger of bursting if steps weren’t taken to cut away the cancer. In fact, in 2021 it nearly did. There was no amount of morphine to dull the pain. Another surgery quickly followed.
After almost 5 years of unspeakable courage, one more surgery was necessary, as again, her bowel had become a ball of tangled yarn. She asked the doctor to postpone the surgery for a few weeks so that my mind would be clear for the concert with the Quebec Philharmonic. So like Tricia. She knew the last one would be most difficult and wanted to spare me her after-surgery recovery.
I wanted to sing Stormy River with the orchestra but was missing some key lines in the last stanza. I resisted completing it for a couple of years, for obvious reasons. I did so right before leaving for Montreal.
My life is like a stormy river,
Driven to my destiny.
Unfulfilled until I pour myself into
The open arms of my sweet, departed love
That waits for me.
I never played the completed version for Tricia. How could I? In the final weeks Tricia could no longer even drink water. I had to administer liquids through a tube connected to her intestine. Though very emaciated, she was still unbelievably beautiful. I lost her not long after.
My friends I tell you these things because I know many of you are going through similar circumstances. I don’t know how I got through the last 9 months, but by the grace of God, I did. The loss threw me into the deepest end of faith—a more thoroughly examined life. That, or surrender altogether. Music and completing my seven-book series has helped. Tricia continues to be a profound inspiration to me. Our deep talks still ring in my ears.
I am presently thinking of adding Stormy River to the setlist. I love to sing this song, but every time I try, I have not been able to get all the way through to the end without some emotional hiccups. We’ll see.
I look forward to playing with the boys again. See you soon.
Love to you all,
G
7 Comments on “Stormy River…”
Gino, I cannot explain why, but I have had you on my mind for the past several months. Mostly thinking back to your music of the past and browsing through them on youtube. I also saw your recent appearance on The Mike Huckabee Show when you sang Stormy River there I think. Then I learned of your wife’s passing and my heart sank for you. Perhaps that was why you were on my mind so continuously lately. I’ve prayed that the Lord will strengthen you through the aftermath of your tradegy. I hope your continuing spiritual journey will make you even more so dependent on His strength and guidance. The book of the Psalms is always helpful to me when I need to be enlightened. but you are perhaps wiser than me in such things. I will leave you with a prayer of blessing:
May the Lord bless you and keep you.
May the Lord make his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you
May he lift up his countenance over you, and give you peace.
Amen!
A long distance admirer
Cregg
You have always been an inspiration to my soul.
Such a tremendous loss. You have always spoken so sweetly about your beautiful wife and son.
My deepest condolences for your loss. She is no longer in pain. May your precious memories carry you forward. 😢
I don’t really know how you feel, but I know all too well that a true artist feels the experience of living so very deeply. I don’t really know you and your life except for your work, and I have tremendous respect for that. I understand how the work can hold you up when the ground fails at your feet. So I selfishly say, let the work carry you. Express yourself. We’re all here and listening.
Dearest Gino, thank you for sharing your thoughts, with us. I’ve been Ill, for such a terribly long time, that I lost my sense of self, always worried about the burden I’ve placed on my wife, of 35 years.
The constant pain that I go through on a daily scale, is hard to put into words, surgery after surgery, after surgery…you just exist. The pain medication starts to stall, because you’ve been treating with it for so long, that it becomes ineffective.
Late last October, when I awoke, my Mrs appeared to be experiencing symptoms of what appeared to be a heart attack. A friend once explained to me what he felt during his heart attack, which I was able to visually see, and it prompted me to rush her to the hospital…my friend’s description of his event, was spot on and saved my Noreen’s life!
My point is to NEVER give up. I was so certain that I was going to lose the love of my life, that it made me dig deeper than I ever thought I could..much more than I thought I had.
Through the grace of God, we came through this life changing event, and I’m happy to say, my wife is recovering from her ❤…event…this is what they call a heart attack now a days…an event.
I rarely spoke of my struggles throughout my life…I’ve been handicapped, since I was 17 years old. Every day is a battle, it’s just unclear, how I’m going to win, the war.
I/we, take each and every day as the true gift, that it is….just that, a gift which our foundation is still secure, with our love still as strong, as it was, some 35 years ago. My wife loves me…and still likes me….that is important!
I wish you peace, dear Gino. Your loyal fan, from the very beginning.
Gino my deepest condolences I lost the most important person in my life Angela my wife in August 22 last year. we met when I did her 21 first birthday party 40years ago. I was a professional DJ and one of the songs she asked for was I just want to stop yes Gino your song. I struggle every day and night not having her next to me. and my I be so bold go listen to Dr Craig Hogan seak reality please. he’s helped me a lot and still does.
one final thing Gino my wife Angela loved your music and of course so do I. there’s two things which is keeping me going my spiritual belief and my music.hurts to be in love and living inside myself play inside my head and heart over and over sir. plus the new songs that you’ve wrote for your late wife Patricia there beautiful Gino.